Was there a life before children?

Memories from the pre-sleep-deprivation, full-time high-speed multi-tasking era are spotty. They seem like an odd and expansive dream in which all was personal time and self-growth, nearly every single action was in service of self-actualization and pleasure. I had the sense then that I was greatly lacking people in my life to be of service to and to cleave to and support. I longed for the husband and children I didn't have like a kitten to a bowl of milk, like lightning to the highest point, like a sprout towards the light. But little did I know that as soon as that couple bond was forged and that babe was birthed my world would shrink down into a few rooms and the space between baby skin and breast, between dish pile and coin-operated laundry, between stroller path and grocery store, in an ancient but droning tedium of domestic tasks and care, care, care constantly and never ceasing for one day, or especially for one single night, for a being whose every breath your soul hangs on. The terror of hypervigilance over someone you love more than yourself, more than your life, and who you daily give up all of your self for. Of course, you try to hold on to some things, some self. You try to sing some powerful songs and call some friends and attend the sacred gatherings. But you are off in a room with a baby, or chasing and chasing a toddler to prevent the falls and tantrums and fights, and sleep loss and the constant strain of profound responsibility has rendered your brain a darker and murkier thing that revolves around survival; the routines that have worked and have allowed for all of the basic needs to be met of the three family members are the pillars of everyday that we fear stray too far from. By night we are jelly on the couch and we "sleep," sort of, with at least three trips to a child's room or a urine clean-up in our bed, in order to start another day. And the months flip by like pages of a flip cartoon, and a decade has passed. We are deeper and stouter inside. We are now practical minded in all we do. We wear a heaviness. Where once there was a pursuit of the Great Mystery and of adventure and playful expression, now there is resignation and head-down soldiering, life by schedule, a precarious balancing act, and the bounds of the commuter route and the television. Of course, there is tremendous love. There are two new beautiful beings launching into their upward expansive journey of delight. But we, heavy down on the ground, we wonder: what happened to reverence and ritual, to dance and adventure and any expressions of personal essence and joy? Can we ever get them back? Parts of them? Do we still have selves that thrived before, somewhere deep inside?

Hey Neanderthals,

I miss you folks, how is everyone? Please drop a line and let me know how life is treating you. Maybe we should have a reunion sometime? Have a great holiday season and I hope we connect soon.

Peace and Love,

Caveman

waow... its like a haunted graveyard on the blog nobody there at all...

flying trapeze show

oh my god! i can not believe that the blog is back! this is totally awesome! also i have something that i actually wanted to blog about... i have a flying trapeze show! :) it is on june 4th at sanca in georgetown, at 7:00 p.m. you can get tickets at brownpapertickets.com i hope to see you all somewhat soonish!

my summary of don Quixote (put the sin in synopsis) first, random people sing about how awesome some lady is, she comes out, is a whiny annoying lady,leaves. crazy old guy and fat guy come in everyone thinks they're awesome 'cuz they're crazy. Old guy saranades annoying lady,annoying lady sends old guy on fools journey. second, old guy goes more crazy fighting random stuff. finds bandits bandits give him jewel in sympathy. third old guy gives gem to annoying lady she won't marry him (reasons:1)shes mean 2)they met like 2 acts ago) annoying lady says she wants to keep "meeting" other people. fourth, old guy dies. probably because of the multiple terminal illnesses he caught while he was off killing sheep(heartbreak is not a medically correct cause of death). the end.

Re-google web search game

i found a new one result search. here's the original post. Anyway, the search wasantisemitic frabulation. See you guys soon!

Logo

I have started work on mine but i think jacob has me beat, i will show you when it's finished.